Reflecting

Have you ever had so much to say but you didn't really know where to begin? That's how I feel. I've been thinking about this post and I knew many of you were waiting but I just didn't know where to start. I already feel the tears. I'm so afraid of forgetting to thank someone . Much of the hospital and first few days at home were a bit confusing so please know that I love you all and there is not one thing more important than the next when it comes to the the hundreds of acts of kindnesses I have been witness to since this journey began. The smallest hand colored picture to the most beautiful books, cards, prayers and gifts all hold the same place of love in my heart and in my life, forever.

I'll never forget the morning the call came in from Dr. Austin's office that there were masses in my kidney and they wanted to send me to Cleveland Clinic. Mike was here and Barry Gibb had been on American Idol the night before. I had taped it for him because he was working. We snuggled together on the couch and cried as we watched Barry sing our song...."To Love Somebody." We thought it was the most beautiful version we had ever heard. We have watched that performance dozens of times since that day. Those Bee Gees have been a great support to Mike throughout this journey. He has always loved music and anybody who knows him knows that his favorite group of all time is the Bee Gees. During the month prior to my surgery I can't tell you how many times I got into my car and turned the key and he had "To Love Somebody" set to play. Depending on my mood that day it either made me smile or cry.

I am so thankful for that month prior to surgery. Precious time with my family and friends; time to get a bit healthier for surgery; time to pray and worship; time to fall in love again. I do believe I was taking my life and all the daily stuff for granted.

Still....to this day....I cannot believe I had cancer. Even though I've gone through the surgery, it just doesn't seem real. I drive myself a little nuts trying to figure it all out. And I know, having watched precious friends and family in their cancer fights, that I was blessed to have mine found before the symptoms surfaced. So, when I had really emotional days, I tried to remember you all who had gone before me with this disease. Each of you fighting your own battles and setting such inspirational examples for me to follow. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your wonderful suggestions for me and my family.

My family.....(gulp) you know how I feel about by husband. Anyone who knows my Mike, knows that he can't sit still for 5 minutes. Yet, this man held my hand for 11 days at the clinic and guesthouse. He was the first one in my room each morning between 5:30-6am and we would take the first walking laps in the hallways. The nurses said we looked like we were on dates. I was so proud to be his wife. On the really bad days, his hugs were the ones that calmed me through the pain and his shoulders held the tears that flowed. I really did fall in love again.

My daughter.....the last thing Valerie had time for in her life was a mom with cancer. Her days were so full but she was there for nearly every doctor appointment, test and emotional breakdown. She rarely cried in front of me but she allowed me to cry. We reversed roles these past several weeks. She became the strong one. She held me up and, of course, she made me smile. No mother could be more proud of their daughter than I am of my Valerie. And that son in law of mine....Matt, thank you for the sacrifices you made so Val could be with me. I adore you and will always remember your encouraging words and support for Mike and me and Val. I look forward to spending some good quality time on that deck in the weeks to come!

My son....so strong & positive throughout this journey. Thank you for your many phone calls from North Carolina and for your love and support. We are so proud of you. Thank you for staying so many days after the surgery. It was comforting for your dad to have the whole family together. We are looking forward to watching you race at Mid Ohio at the end of the month! I will be the proudest mom there! Keri...thank you for being a support for Chad as well as for us. I know it was easier for him because you were there during the rough times. Even big, tough, motorcycle riding attorneys have emotional days when their mamas are sick! It was a great comfort to us knowing that he had you to lean on.

My parents.....I suspect this might have been one of the hardest things you have had to go through, although you would never tell me that. I can't imagine how it felt to see me cry in pain and the hours of surgery must have been torture but we got through it together as families do. Thank you for taking such wonderful care of me before, during and after the surgery. That first week home was certainly made much easier by the love of a doting dad and mom! You are wonderful examples of what family support and love should be. I know there were days when you were emotionally and physically exhausted but you just kept going. Loves does that and I felt loved. I know Mike relaxed that first week home knowing he had your help and support. I love you both more than words can say.

The rest of my family....Don & Ida, Patsy & Cookie...thank you for making the trip to Cleveland and for your love and support not only for me but for each other. I was so proud of my waiting room gang. I could feel the prayers and love....

Prayer Warriors.....the first time I saw that prayer vigil list, I sobbed. I don't know how to sufficiently say thank you for your prayer commitment. I felt you lifting me up in prayer. When my fever went up, I asked mom to call my prayer warriors. When my pain became unbearable, I asked her to call you. And as soon as I made the request, the tension lifted from my body and I just waited for answered prayer. It happened every time. God is good.

To everyone who has sent an encouraging email, card, note, comment.....from the bottom of our hearts, we send you our thanks and our love. I have saved everything. I know Mike has read them over and over and they have given him such comfort. They usually made me cry and most of the time I could only read who they were from and would save everything else for later. I have loved the scripture verses and the beautiful prayers and thank you for sending some to make us laugh. It's funny how just the right cards seemed to arrive on the the exact day we needed them for strength or for a chuckle. We have loved the music cards too! Again....encouraging music and music to make us laugh. What blessings!

To our church cooks who are sending over the most incredible meals....thank you for providing us with some of the most delicious food we've ever had. It is truly comfort food and you will never know how deeply appreciated and enjoyed each meal has been. Your kindness will always be a part of this story. Dad and Mike are especially grateful and I think they have both gained weight and will be joining me on my daily walks to work off some of those wonderful meals! God bless each of you....

Pastor Jeff & Debbie....Thank you for your friendship, your healing prayers, your inspiring messages & music. Our prayers are with you and your family as your nephew battles brain cancer. He sounds like an incredible young man, husband, father and teacher. He will be lifted up in our prayers......

I have been blessed by so many......and I have felt God's grace in my life these past 6 weeks. So many circumstances coming together to create this journey....too many to be coincidences. I believe with all my heart it was in His plan. My eyes see things brighter now and my heart feels love like never before.

I'm having trouble waiting on full recovery to happen. I'm ready to live again. But I will accept each day and the small victories that come therein. I will pray for those traveling their own paths of disease and lift them up as I have been lifted. I will give glory to God for allowing me to remain in this life.....to soak up like a sponge all that it has to offer. I will trust Him for He has certainly blessed me with His grace. I would like to promise Him perfection but He knows me too well and that isn't going to happen but I will be better.

Thank you to everyone who has been traveling with me on this journey. It isn't over. We are just heading up a new road. It's been so much easier traveling with you all!

"Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord."
Psalm 31:24

love to all...
Leslie & Mike